How Can I Be a Good Mom? (Steps Anyone Can Take)

Being a good mom isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it’s about being present, loving, and engaged with your child’s development. You don’t have to get everything right all the time. In fact, the best moms learn and grow as they go. Perfection doesn’t exist in parenting. There is no such thing as a perfect mom, so don’t put pressure on yourself to reach an impossible standard. It’s okay to make mistakes. What matters most is how you learn from them, repair, and continue showing up for your child. You won’t have all the answers, and “mom guilt” will pop up from time to time, but being a good mom is something you can achieve.

We are going to dive into practical ways you can be the mom your child needs. One important thing to note as you consider ways to love and support your child is not to play the comparison game with other moms. Don’t lose sight of your unique relationship with your child and their needs.

Core Qualities of a Good Mom

Emotional Availability: A good mom is emotionally available to her child. She listens, acknowledges their feelings, and is there when they need comfort.
Consistency: Consistency builds security. A dependable mom creates routines that provide a sense of stability and predictability.
Nurturing & Supportive: Providing a nurturing environment where you actively tend to your child’s growth, well-being, and individuality is a cornerstone of good mothering.
Resilience: Being able to bounce back from challenges, learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward is a defining trait of a good mom.
Patience: Patience is key. Being able to handle frustrating moments with calmness and understanding helps your child learn how to handle their own emotions. Patience also allows you to teach your child how to process feelings and respond thoughtfully.

Myths About “Good” Moms

The “Perfect Mom” Myth: Many people believe that to be a good mother, you need to be perfect—never losing your temper, always being there for every moment, and never letting your child see you struggle. This is simply untrue. The reality is that you are human. You face challenges, make mistakes, and learn from them.
The “Always Happy” Myth: Another myth is that a good mom must always be happy and joyful. While happiness is part of motherhood, it’s not the whole picture. It’s okay to have negative feelings and moments of frustration. What’s important is how you handle those feelings and how you model emotional regulation to your child.

Mini Self-Assessment: What Makes You a Good Mother?

Self-reflection is an important tool to understand your readiness for motherhood. Taking stock of where you are emotionally, financially, and logistically can help you prepare for the next steps, whether that’s parenting or exploring other options like adoption. As you move forward, it’s important to consider what to expect and how your expectations can shape your experience and decisions. This simple self-assessment covers four key pillars: emotional readiness, support network, housing/finances, and school/work goals.

1. Emotional Readiness

How do you feel emotionally? Do you feel mentally ready to take on the responsibility of motherhood? It’s okay if you don’t feel completely sure—good mothers often feel this way. Don’t forget to check in with yourself and acknowledge your own needs.
Do you have support systems in place? Are there people you can turn to for emotional and practical help?

2. Support Network

Who is in your corner? A good mother doesn’t do it all alone. Do you have a partner, family members, or friends who can provide support? Building and maintaining strong relationships with these people can make a significant difference in your parenting journey.
Can you access professional help if needed? Counseling, therapy, and parenting support groups are all great resources to help you through the transition into motherhood.

3. Housing & Finances

Do you have a stable place to live? Are you in a position to provide a safe and comfortable space for your child to grow up in? Creating a welcoming and secure house is essential for your child’s well-being.
Are you financially ready? Can you support the basics, like healthcare, prenatal care, and diapers? It’s okay if this area feels uncertain—there are resources that can help, including Medicaid and WIC.

4. School/Work Goals

Are you continuing your education or career? How will you balance school or work with the demands of motherhood?
Do you have childcare options? Consider what kind of childcare support you’ll need and whether it’s affordable.

If any of these areas feel lacking or uncertain, don’t be discouraged. Good mothers build these supports with time, planning, and help.

Take a moment to remind yourself of your long-term goals and the progress you’ve made so far.

Mindset Shifts: Let Go of the Perfect Mom Idea

As you begin this journey, it’s crucial to recognize that the idea of the “perfect mom” is a myth. Every mother, no matter how experienced or prepared, will face challenges, setbacks, and moments of doubt. The key to being a good mom lies in progress over perfection—it’s about showing up, trying your best, and learning along the way. Good mothers understand that mistakes are part of the journey and that they can use these moments as opportunities for improvement in the future.

Embrace Imperfection

Perfection is a harmful standard, especially in a world where parenting styles and advice are constantly shifting. Trying to do all the things can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to set boundaries and focus on what matters most to you and your child. A good mother builds on her mistakes, adapts, and keeps going. In fact, making mistakes is one of the most powerful things a parent can do—it teaches your child that failure isn’t final, but an opportunity to change and renewed beginnings.

Be Realistic About Expectations

When it comes to parenting, expectations often get in the way. Most people have unrealistic expectations about motherhood due to societal pressures. Society and social media paint a picture of motherhood that’s both unrealistic and unattainable. From perfectly curated Instagram posts to unsolicited advice, it’s easy to feel like you’re not measuring up. Instead of focusing on being “perfect,” aim for being present. A good mom is one who shows up, is present in the moment, and gives what she can without overwhelming herself.

Build Resilience and Flexibility

No one is ever fully “ready” for motherhood. Good mothers build resilience through experience, learning to manage their emotions, especially during difficult times. Being able to adapt to change, let go of control, and accept that you’ll never have everything figured out is a mindset shift that will serve you well as a parent. Your child won’t remember your perfectly folded laundry, but they will remember your ability to stay calm, ask for help, and take care of yourself—this is how you model self-care for your child.

Practice Self-Compassion

Part of letting go of the “perfect mom” myth is treating yourself with the same compassion you’d show a friend. If you make a mistake, if you feel overwhelmed, or if things aren’t going as planned, it’s okay. Take a deep breath, forgive yourself, and move forward. Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths or time off—it’s about self-compassion. Even adults struggle with emotions and self-acceptance, and modeling how to handle these feelings in a healthy way is valuable for your child. When you show yourself kindness, it teaches your child to be gentle with themselves, too.

Build Your Capability: Skills, Resources, and Self-Care

Building your capability as a mom starts with the tools and resources you have access to. You don’t need to be “perfect” right now, but building a solid foundation for self-care and emotional resilience will help you feel more confident in your parenting journey. Engaging in self-care activities, such as exercise and taking time to recharge, can contribute to feeling good both physically and emotionally. Here are practical steps to help you build your skills, find resources, and take care of your own needs.

Parenting Classes and Support Groups

Parenting classes are a great way to build knowledge and confidence. Whether it’s about infant care, child development, or positive discipline, these classes provide foundational skills that will serve you throughout your parenting journey. Parenting classes can be beneficial for parents of children of all ages, helping you address the unique needs at every stage.
Many hospitals and community organizations offer free or sliding-scale parenting classes, so don’t hesitate to ask about local options.
Support groups for new parents, both online and in person, can provide a network of people who are going through similar experiences. It’s a great way to ask questions, vent, and receive support from others.

Home-Visiting Nurses & Childcare Assistance

Home-visiting nurses are a fantastic resource for new mothers. They offer guidance on infant care, breastfeeding, postnatal recovery, and mental health support. If you don’t have insurance, many programs provide services on a sliding scale or through government assistance.
If you need help with childcare, look into subsidized care options or local childcare programs that offer support for low-income families. Many cities offer parenting support programs that can help you find reliable and affordable care for your child, giving you time to focus on your self-care and work.

WIC and Community Support

The Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) program provides financial assistance for food, as well as nutritional counseling and breastfeeding support. WIC is available to families who meet certain income requirements, and it’s a great resource for new moms who need a little extra financial help.
Many community health organizations provide free or low-cost services, including prenatal and postnatal care, mental health counseling, and other parenting supports. Texas Adoption Center can also help you connect with these resources.

How to Spend Quality Time (Even When You’re Tired)

Spending quality time with your child doesn’t have to mean grand outings or expensive activities. It’s about being present in the moment and fostering a connection that goes beyond the day-to-day routines. As a good mom, your time and attention are the most valuable things you can offer. Even on days when you’re exhausted or overwhelmed, there are small, meaningful ways to spend time with your child that will help them feel loved, secure, and nurtured.

Incorporating fun and taking time to laugh together during your daily routines can strengthen your bond and create a joyful, relaxed atmosphere at home. Planning special time with your child, where you are fully present and focused on them, is also invaluable for building trust and connection.

10-15 Minute Connection Rituals

When you’re short on time or energy, break up your day with short, intentional moments of connection. These don’t need to be elaborate—they just need to be genuine. Here are a few examples:

Reading a book together: Whether it’s a quick story at bedtime or a few pages during the day, reading fosters a connection and promotes early child development.
Cuddling and talking: A simple 10-minute cuddle session where you talk about anything—how their day went, their favorite toy, or even just chatting about your own day—helps you bond.
Playtime: You don’t need hours of elaborate activities. Even a quick game of peek-a-boo or stacking blocks can be an effective way to bond while encouraging your child’s cognitive skills. Following your child’s lead and interests during playtime helps you better understand your child’s needs and personality.

Phone-Free Moments

As tempting as it may be to check your phone or multitask during your child’s waking hours, it’s important to set aside phone-free time. This could be during meals, before bed, or during playtime. Spending quality time doesn’t require perfection—it just requires full attention. By being present, you’re teaching your child that they are the center of your focus, which in turn boosts their sense of self-esteem. These moments allow you to really hear your child’s thoughts and feelings, showing them that their voice matters.

Quick tip: Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” mode for 20 minutes a day. Use this time solely for your child. You’ll be amazed at how much more connected you feel to each other.

Quick Quality Time Ideas for New Moms

Even if you’re a new mom and juggling a million tasks, there are small but meaningful ways to spend time with your baby. These moments don’t have to be grand to be impactful. Here are some simple ways to create quality moments that will help you bond.

Feed/Diaper Chat Routine

Whether breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, feeding time offers a unique opportunity to connect with your baby. Making eye contact and talking softly helps your baby feel heard and valued. Gaze into their eyes, talk softly, or sing a lullaby. Babies thrive on emotional connection during feeding. Likewise, diaper changes can also serve as an opportunity to engage and bond.

Stroller Walks

Taking a short walk in the stroller or baby carrier is a great way to get outside, enjoy nature, and provide your baby with fresh air. You don’t have to go far—just a few blocks around the neighborhood can make a difference. Walking together not only fosters connection but also promotes your own well-being by getting some exercise. Establishing healthy routines like this early on can have a positive impact on both your and your child’s lives.

Reading Together

Reading to your baby, even from a young age, has a big impact on their cognitive development. As your child grows, you can introduce books that are visually stimulating and have simple words. Reading together builds language skills and strengthens the bond between you and your child.

Additionally, reading together can encourage positive behaviors and communication skills, helping your child express their feelings and needs in healthy ways.

Skin-to-Skin Contact

For new moms, skin-to-skin contact is crucial, especially in the first few weeks. This not only helps with bonding but also has benefits for both you and your baby, including stress reduction and better self care. Whether it’s holding your baby against your chest during naps or taking a moment to simply sit together in a calm space, this simple act can work wonders.

Bedtime Anchors

Establishing a bedtime routine early on helps provide a sense of stability and comfort for your baby. Whether it’s a gentle bath, a bedtime story, or just a few quiet minutes together before they sleep, these moments of calm, quality time reinforce your emotional connection and foster healthy sleep patterns.

Consistent bedtime routines can also help shape positive sleep behavior in your child, making it easier for them to settle down and communicate their need for rest.

Take Care of Your Basics First

As a mom, it’s easy to put your child’s needs first—after all, you love them and want to provide the best for them. However, in order to care for your child to the best of your ability, it’s essential to take care of your own self-care needs first. This might sound selfish, but it’s actually the most selfless thing you can do. When you’re well-rested, well-nourished, and emotionally supported, you’re in a much better place to give your child the care and attention they deserve.

Sleep

You don’t have to get 8 hours a night, but rest is critical for your physical and emotional health. Try to take short naps when your baby naps or ask a friend or family member to watch your baby for an hour so you can recharge. Sleep helps improve your mood, cognitive function, and ability to handle stress.

Food & Hydration

Maintaining a balanced diet is essential for both you and your baby. Eating nutrient-rich foods helps you stay energized and supports breastfeeding if that’s your choice. Make sure to drink plenty of water, too—staying hydrated is an easy yet often overlooked part of self-care.

Meds & Healthcare

If you’re feeling physically or emotionally worn out, don’t hesitate to consult your healthcare provider. Postpartum anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges are common, and your doctor can help. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as any physical needs.

Asking for Help

It’s okay to ask for help—whether it’s a friend bringing over a meal, a family member watching the baby for an afternoon, or a professional offering emotional support. By taking care of yourself, you can be the best mother to your child.

7-Day “Feel More Capable” To-Do List

Sometimes, when you’re feeling uncertain about your ability to be a good mom, the best way to build confidence is to break things down into small, manageable steps. This 7-day to-do list is designed to help you take charge of your immediate environment, create a solid foundation for your future, and begin building your self-care habits. Each day focuses on one manageable task that will help you feel more in control of your parenting journey.

Day 1: Book Your First Prenatal Care Appointment

If you haven’t already, make an appointment with a healthcare provider to discuss your pregnancy, begin prenatal care, and establish a support plan. If you don’t have insurance, contact your local FQHC for low-cost care or ask about Medicaid options.
Reminder: Taking care of yourself is the first step to feeling capable as a good mother.

Day 2: Identify One Trusted Helper

Think of one person—whether it’s a partner, friend, family member, or counselor—that you can lean on for support. This person can help you with tasks, listen to your concerns, or simply give you a moment to breathe.
Self-care reminder: You are not alone, and asking for help is an important part of becoming a healthy mom.

Day 3: Set Up a Safe Sleep Space

Whether it’s setting up a crib, bassinet, or co-sleeping area, get your baby’s sleep environment ready. Ensure the space is safe and comfortable—this is an essential first step in preparing for your baby’s arrival.
Quick Tip: This simple action can provide peace of mind and help you feel good about preparing for the future.

Day 4: Enroll in a Parenting Class

Research local or online parenting classes—many are free or low-cost. Choose one that fits your schedule and addresses topics like infant care, breastfeeding, or child development.
Reminder: Continuing to learn is an excellent way to build your confidence as a good mother and feel more capable in your role.

Day 5: Apply for WIC or Other Benefits

If you haven’t already, apply for WIC or other state/federal benefits that can assist with food, health care, or childcare. These resources can help reduce stress and allow you to focus on your health and well-being.
Tip: You deserve the support available to you—take action today to ease your worries about household chores and financial stress.

Day 6: Create a Simple Daily Routine

Start small by creating a basic daily rhythm. Include time for quality time with your child, time for self-care, meals, and rest.
Example Routine:
- Morning: Feed baby, 10-minute walk.
- Afternoon: Eat lunch, 15 minutes of playtime or reading.
- Evening: Feed baby, evening wind-down, bedtime.
Why this works: Having a to-do list will give you structure, but remember to remain flexible. It’s the consistency, not perfection, that matters.

Day 7: Set Aside 30 Minutes for Yourself

Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or calling a friend, set aside 30 minutes of uninterrupted time just for you. This is self-care that replenishes your mental and emotional reserves, so you can continue to show up as the good mother you are.
Reminder: Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your well-being, which benefits your child.

If You’re Not Ready to Parent Right Now

If, after going through this list, you still have doubt that parenting might be right for you, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure—it means you’re recognizing your limits and what’s best for both you and your child. Choosing adoption is a loving option that allows you to still be a part of your child’s life in the way that works best for you.

Adoption Options: Open, Semi-Open, and Closed

Open adoption: You choose the family and remain involved in your child’s life. You receive updates, and you can have direct communication with the adoptive family.
Semi-open adoption: You stay involved through the adoption agency, receiving updates and photos from the adoptive family, but without direct contact.
Closed adoption: There is no ongoing contact after placement. This option provides you with full privacy if you wish.

Texas Adoption Center is here to help you understand adoption options, guide you through the process, and ensure you have the resources to make the decision that feels right for you. You’re not alone in this process, and you have the power to choose the best path for you and your baby.

Gentle Answers to Common Worries

Worry about Money: “What if I can’t afford everything my baby needs?”
Answer: You don’t have to do it all alone. There are state and local programs to help with food, healthcare, childcare, and more. Texas Adoption Center can help you apply for benefits like WIC, Medicaid, and more.
Worry about Patience: “What if I lose my temper?”
Answer: It’s okay to feel frustrated. Feelings like anger are normal, and learning to recognize and manage anger with self-care and support is important. Self-care and finding support through parenting classes, therapy, or even just talking to a friend can help you manage your emotions and model healthy emotional regulation for your child.
Worry about Changing Your Mind: “What if I change my mind about adoption or parenting?”
Answer: It’s okay to change your mind. Your feelings and circumstances may change as you move through the process. Texas Adoption Center provides support and guidance throughout, helping you stay in control and make the decisions that are best for you and your child.

You’re Not Alone in Motherhood

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. If you’re unsure about parenting or need guidance, Texas Adoption Center is here for you. Whether you want to explore parenting support, adoption options, or both, we’re here to walk beside you, no pressure. Let’s talk about your needs.