Can my friend adopt my baby?
In most states, the answer is yes. Throughout the adoption process, you are in control. You decide what is best for you and your baby. If you think your friend will be the best parent for your child, you can opt to do an independent or private adoption.
Independent and agency (private) adoptions are two common ways to adopt a baby in the U.S. Each has its pros and cons, depending on your preferences, budget, and willingness to navigate the process. Many hopeful adoptive parents are willing to work with you to best fit your needs and preferences as the birth mother.
Deciding to place your child for adoption is a major decision, one that is permanent and lifelong. Expectant mothers need to give themselves time and gain the resources they need to make an informed choice regarding their baby. The entire process can be exhausting, as well as mentally and emotionally overwhelming. However, only you can decide what is the best outcome for your baby.
Here are some items to consider to help determine if adoption is right for your situation.
Questions for Birth Moms
1. Why Am I Considering Adoption?
- Am I in a place where I can emotionally and financially provide for a child?
- Do I feel pressured by anyone to choose adoption, or is this my own decision?
- Is an unplanned pregnancy making me think I need to find adoptive parents?
- Have I explored all parenting options, including available support systems?
If adoption feels like a thoughtful decision rather than one made out of pressure or fear, you may be on the right path.
2. How Do I Feel About Parenting?
- Have I thought about what parenting would be like in my current situation?
- What are my biggest fears about raising a child?
- Would I regret not giving myself a chance to parent?
If you believe parenting is not the best choice for your current or future circumstances, adoption could be an option worth exploring.
3. What Support Systems Do I Have?
- Do I have friends, family, or professionals I can talk to about my feelings?
- Have I spoken with an adoption specialist to explore my emotions and options?
- Do I feel I need financial or emotional support that I haven’t yet explored?
Adoption agencies, support groups, and counseling can help you navigate this decision without pressure.
4. How Will I Feel After the Adoption?
- Am I prepared for the emotional impact of placing my baby for adoption?
- Have I thought about how I will process grief and healing after placement?
- Do I know what resources are available for post-adoption support?
Adoption is a lifelong decision, and it’s important to have a plan for emotional healing and support afterward.
5. Have I Considered All My Options?
- Have I explored financial assistance, parenting support, and community resources that could help me keep my baby if I choose to?
- Would I consider temporary guardianship or foster care placement before making a final decision?
- Have I spoken with adoption professionals or unbiased third-parties to discuss all possibilities?
Gathering all available information ensures that you are making an informed and confident decision.
Independent Adoption (Direct Adoption)
In an independent adoption, adoptive parents work directly with birth parents, often with the help of an adoption attorney.
Pros:
- Control Over the Process – As a birth mother, you yourself find the party who will adopt your child. This is done through networking, social media, or word of mouth, rather than waiting for an agency match.
- Lower Costs (Potentially) – adoptive parents avoid agency fees, which can make the process less expensive (typically $15,000–$40,000, depending on legal fees and expenses).
Cons:
- Legally Complex – You must work with an adoption attorney to ensure all state laws are followed and protect against legal challenges.
- No Agency Support – You are responsible for finding adoptive parents and managing the process without the guidance of an agency.
- Screening & Counseling Not Always Provided – Agencies offer counseling and extensive guidance for birth parents, while independent adoption does not always have these safeguards. The support of an adoption professional through a licensed agency brings an important level of support to the birth family.
Agency Adoption (Private Adoption)
In a private adoption through an agency, licensed professionals match adoptive parents with birth parents and oversee the process. In this case, a private adoption agency would help you and your selected friend navigate through an adoption plan.
Pros:
- Professional Guidance – Agencies handle all legal, emotional, and logistical aspects, reducing stress and confusion.
- Formal Processes & Procedures – Agencies screen adoptive families, provide counseling and help ensure that all legal steps are followed properly.
- Support Services – Many agencies offer post-adoption support, such as counseling.
- Ethical Oversight – Agencies follow strict guidelines to ensure ethical adoption practices.
Cons:
- Higher Cost – Agency adoptions typically range from $20,000–$50,000, making them more expensive than independent attorney adoptions.
- Longer Wait Times – The matching process can take months or years if you do not have a family or person already selected.
Questions to Consider During Your Adoption Journey
You no doubt want the best for your baby. Placing your baby for adoption is a courageous decision!
If you’ve decided to place your baby for adoption and your friend wants to adopt, it may even sound like the perfect scenario. However, it’s important to make sure your friend is the best option for your baby.
Many birth mothers feel a great deal of anxiety when it comes to evaluating prospective adoptive families. While there is no perfect adoptive family, it is important to take an objective look at your friend or any other party hoping to adopt your child.
Here are some things you should consider before making a final decision:
Legal Considerations
Even though the adoption involves a trusted friend, legal steps must be followed to ensure the process is ethical, permanent, and in the adopted child’s best interest.
Key Questions:
- Have I consulted an adoption attorney to understand the legal process?
- What are my state’s adoption laws, including consent and revocation periods?
- Will my friend go through a home study to ensure they can provide a safe and stable home?
- Do I need a formal adoption agreement to define the terms of the adoption (e.g., open or closed adoption)?
- If I want future contact with the child, can an open adoption agreement be legally enforced in my state?
Emotional & Relationship Considerations
Adopting to a friend can feel like the best of both worlds, but it can also create complicated emotions and strained relationships.
Key Questions:
- How will I emotionally handle seeing my child grow up with my friend?
- Will I feel comfortable if my friend parents differently than I would?
- Could this decision change our friendship in ways I’m not prepared for?
- If I change my mind, how will that affect our relationship?
- How will our family and mutual friends react?
Long-Term Considerations
This decision affects the child’s identity, well-being, and understanding of their life story. Therefore, when considering adoption, it is important to try and view things from that child’s current and future perspective.
Key Questions:
- What will I tell my child about their adoption story?
- Will I be involved in their life, and if so, how often and in what role?
- How will my child feel knowing they were adopted by someone I personally know?
- What if my life circumstances change—will I regret my decision?
- If my friend moves away or experiences hardship, how will that impact the child?
Next Steps for a Thoughtful Decision
- Consult an adoption attorney to understand legal protections and requirements.
- Have open, honest conversations with the friend adopting the child.
- Consider therapy or counseling to explore emotions and potential challenges.
- Decide on communication expectations for an open or closed adoption.
- Plan for long-term involvement, if desired, and how to navigate changing circumstances.
How Can an Adoption Agency Help?
Adoption agencies can help provide you with all the support you need during your pregnancy and after you deliver.
In the end, you decide who will adopt your baby. If you believe your friend will be the best parent, an adoption agency can help. Similarly, if you decide to choose a different family to adopt your baby, adoption agencies have many families for you to choose from.
Here at Texas Adoption Center, we can create a customized adoption plan to suit your needs. Below, we’ve compiled a list of some of the services we can help you with.
Emotional Support
Even if you trust your friend with everything, trusting them to raise your child is a big step. It’s important to take the time to truly think through this important decision.
An adoption agency can offer you the emotional support you need while going through the adoption process, listening to and calming your fears and providing you with resources. Texas Adoption Center wants to be your rock and your confidant. We can walk alongside you and provide you with adoption-related counseling, education, and referrals to specialists for the rest of your life.
Financial Support
Texas Adoption Center makes the adoption as smooth as possible for you. If finances are an issue, we will take a look to see how we can help. The law limits the ways we can support you financially. But, in the past, we’ve helped birth mothers with housing, utilities, groceries, phone bills, laundry, and personal care items.
Housing and Transportation
We want to make sure you have a safe, stable living arrangement. If your current arrangement is not safe or stable, we can assist you with housing. Also, we can help you prioritize you and your baby’s health. To do this, we make sure you have transportation to appointments and pregnancy-related errands, providing you with rides, a bus pass, or gas money to make sure you have transportation.
Medical Care and Health Insurance
We want you to have excellent medical care. Furthermore, Texas Adoption Center can help you find a doctor or get set up with a quality health insurance plan. We want you and your baby to be happy and healthy.
Learn More About the Adoption Process
Choosing a home for your baby is a huge decision. But you do not have to do it alone. Whether it’s with a friend, family member, or another amazing family—your baby can be a part of a loving, stable home.
Texas Adoption Center’s specialists know just what you need. We can help you make this important decision and support you through the entire adoption process. Call us today at 844-893-7943.
